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Mé drahé ženě
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08.11.2009 | 17:36 - 
Eclipse
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Kategorie Během posledního roku jsem se s tebou snažil milovat celkem 365x, ale uspěl jsem jen 36x, což je průměrně 1x za 10 dní.
Následující seznam popisuje tvé důvody, proč jsme se nemohli milovat
- 54 krát byla čistá prostěradla
- 17 krát bylo moc pozdě
- 49 krát jsi byla moc unavená
- 20 krát bylo velké horko
- 15 krát jsi předstírala spánek
- 22 krát tě bolela hlava
- 17 krát ses bála, že vzbudíme děti
- 16 krát tě něco bolelo
- 12 krát to bylo ve špatný den v měsíci
- 19 krát jsi musela brzo vstávat
- 9 krát jsi neměla náladu
- 7 krát jsi byla spálená od slunce
- 6 krát ses dívala pozdě do noci na telku
- 5 krát jsi si nechtěla rozcuchat nový účes
- 3 krát ses bála, že nás uslyší sousedi
- 9 krát ses bála, že nás uslyší tvá matka
A z těch 36 úspěšných pokusů jsem v těchto případech stejně nebyl spokojen, protože:
- 6 krát jsi tam ležela jako prkno
- 8 krát jsi mě upozornila na trhlinu ve zdivu
- 4 krát jsi mi řekla, ať si pospíším, ať už to máme za sebou
- 7 krát jsem tě musel vzbudit a říct ti, že už jsem skončil
- 1 krát jsi mě bolestivě zranila, když jsi se najednou prudce otočila zády
Mému drahému muži
Myslím si, že jsi tak trochu mimo a tady jsou důvody, proč tomu tak bylo:
- 5 krát jsi přisel domů opilý a chtěl jsi přišroubovat kočku k podlaze
- 36 krát jsi nepřišel domů vůbec
- 21 krát jsi se vůbec neudělal
- 33 krát jsi se udělal příliš brzo
- 19 krát se ti vůbec nepostavil
- 38 krát jsi pracoval pozdě do noci
- 10 krát jsi měl křeč v lýtku
- 29 krát jsi musel vstávat brzo na ryby
- 2 krát ses popral a někdo tě nakopl do koulí
- 4 krát se ti zasekl zip u kalhot
- 3 krát jsi měl chřipku a z nosu ti tekla krev
- 2 krát jsi měl třísku v prstu
- 20 krát jsi na to myslel po celý den, až jsi večer ztratil zájem
- 6 krát jsi přišel v pyžamu a četl sis pornočasopis
- 98 krát jsi byl tááákhle zaměstnaný sledováním fotbalu či hokeje v TV
A pokud jsme to spolu dělali tak
Důvod proč jsem ležela jako prkno byl, že ses netrefil a dělal to s namotaným prostěradlem. Nemluvila jsem o trhlině ve zdivu, ale jestli mi to chces udělat zezadu. A tehdy jsem se tak prudce otočila, protože jsem se chtěla nadechnout čistého vzduchu, když jsi si tak nechutně usral.
Přečtěte si také
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